Beautiful Disaster

It was summer and I had all the time for reflection. The place was perfect. The beach was exceptional. The breeze was cold and gentle. I was all alone.

I can see through my eyes the sunset of that very afternoon. I had set a deadline and it has to be that time. I had emancipated all my grief, discomfort, and agony so I can live a new beginning once more. I had to leave all the bad memories of my past and continue living with what’s left to me.

I faced my fears that day. I jumped in the deep sea despite the fact that I do not know how to swim. I did it for contentment and I successfully set myself free with that. My friends are right, sometimes we just need to face and accept what we really fear so we can prove to ourselves that we do not need to be frightened with those things in the first place.

I used to think my life was nothing but a disaster. I treasured people who forced me to be someone different, to be someone right for them, and to be exactly what they want. I tried hard to be just what they wanted me to be. I learned to crave for attention and appreciation and I wanted it more each day as they refused to give it to me. It was painful to be different but I learned to deal with it for years. Sometimes it makes me think they imprisoned me. It is just now that I realized that I was the only one who tolerated it. I was a prisoner of my own decisions for I always had the choice to let go.

I had reached the peak of my temper so now I made a new start for my life. Somehow I wandered the wrong road for years yet it didn’t lose my faith. I realized how endings could be a new start, how fears could be fulfilling, how damages could be masterpieces, and how disaster could be beautiful.

            I can now see the twilight and as I walked in the seashore throwing away a sad melody…”she’s giving people what they want, trying to act so nonchalant, afraid to see that she’s lost her direction, she never stays the same for long, assuming that she’ll get it wrong, perfect only in her imperfection, she’s not a drama queen, she doesn’t wanna feel this way, she’s only 17 and tired.”

            I am not perfect but I am complete and real. Live it and love it.